By: Andrew Garda
ThunderingBlurb.com
Colts fans are really, really angry.
Angrier than a toddler with croup. Angrier than the Incredible Hulk.
So angry they allegedly harassed Colts President Bill Polian off the air ten minutes early on his own radio show.
Remind me never to anger Indiana. I wouldn’t like them when they were angry.
When they are angry (or wronged), they sue. Or more accurately, members of the Indianapolis City council—who, like Congress , seem to have nothing more pressing to occupy their time—are looking to sue for them .
I’m not totally sure who is doing what but for what it’s worth, I think it’s both understandable yet also ridiculous to sue over this.
On the one hand, nobody can argue the Colts tried their hardest to win the game with the Jets.
Maybe popping Peyton Manning back into the game late might have made the fans feel better. But you just don’t pull him midway through the game and then lose while still keeping your competitive credibility intact.
On the other hand, your ticket entitles you to many things—but one of those things isn’t a win or even an effort to achieve a win.
It may be implied, but it isn’t a promise written in stone—or on the ticket. Regardless, all I can say is, glad I’m not the judge.
Besides, if anyone in Indy should be suing, it should be back-up quarterback Curtis Painter. Talk about the ‘no-win scenario’.
Welcome to the NFL, Rook.
In thinking about the Colts and their fans, I realized there are probably many groups of disgruntled people out there who could be feeling a tad frisky.
So I reached out to Twitter as well as some fellow podcasters and writers to see what might force them—or their friends and fans—to drive to the local lawyer.
As always, the results were not disappointing.
Some were silly, some were serious, but all were interesting and entertaining.
I would sue the Rams/Lions/Chiefs/Bills for a crappy season
This was about the most common tweet or e-mail I got. In one case, an e-mailer wrote in very specific detail how he had been wronged by the Rams, not just this season, but for several in a row. Bad drafts, poor coaching, bad free agent signings. It was all there.
I got less lawsuit requests for the Lions involving former GM/train wreck Matt Millen than I expected, though he was involved in one angry email we’ll get to in a minute.
If fans of the Colts would like some perspective, maybe I can put you in touch with the fans of some teams who, in some cases, didn’t win 14 in two seasons, much less one.
Football blogger @JeremyNPike tweeted a funny, but true one.
“The Bills for reckless endangerment and gross negligence of any QB who lines up under center and disappearance of T.O.”
I’m not blaming the Bills for the disappearance of one Terrell Owens, in part because he is so very good at hiding on his own. I think the reckless endangerment charge might stick though—at least if you ask Trent Edwards.
Fellow scribe @A_E_M threw out several, the first one being the nugget below.
“…the fact that they have AARP players (B Favre) but dont give AARP discounts.”
I have no idea if not being eligible for said discounts is accurate. We already know the league is only just getting on board with looking out for it’s elder statesmen, so it wouldn’t shock me if there were no senior discounts.
On the other hand, does any sport do that?
@fantasyf00tball tweeted one that he called ‘The Shannahan Clause’ and I call the ‘Fantasy Football Owner Lament’.
“I’d sue Kubiak for not settling on a running back.”
Nobody who has ever played fantasy football has ever seen a Denver coach (former or current) allow for predictability in their backfields. The aforementioned Shannahan killed owners for years with his mix-and-match backfields. Kubiak did it this year with his gang in the Texans’ running back group.
Heck, current Broncos coach Josh McDaniels played with our emotions for much of the 2009 season, alternating between veteran Correll Buckhalter and rookie Knowshon Moreno.
A judge might throw this out—at this point there is implied risk. On the other hand, these guys need to come with warning labels.
At worst, maybe we can get the Surgeon General to slap some on their fantasy drafts: “Contents may cause headaches, dizziness and early ejection from the fantasy playoffs.”
Here’s one I got three different flavors of, though they all came down to the same sentiment.
I’d like to sue the league for not letting Ochocinco wear Chris Henry’s jersey.
All three e-mailers—Tito from NY, Ed and STKLM1 from parts unknown—all felt very strongly that the league erred in not allowing the man formerly known as Chad Johnson to honor his friend in this simple way.
Ed said he wasn’t a Bengal fan, but thought that given the situation as well as the fact that both players played the same position, the impact should have been negligible and the gesture allowed.
I asked him whether he would have felt the same way in regards to Sean Taylor, who died in 2007 from a gunshot would inflicted during an attempted robbery at his house.
Ed said some things transcend rules and yes, if a teammate had wanted to honor Taylor in that way, then what’s the big deal?
I don’t disagree. It all worked out for everyone involved with the Chris Henry thing, but I never saw the harm in Ochocinco’s request to begin with.
Back on the lighter side, @A_E_M came back with this tweet.
“What I would def sue for is not the NFL but ESPN for their MNF crew, can we get 3 ppl that actually can stay neutral?”
I got a similar e-mail from Dean in Texas who swore that another season of the NFLN crew of Millen and Collinsworth would force him to either drink himself to death or shoot his television.
It’s almost a yearly complaint about one or both of the weeknight game crews.
Neither crew is an incredibly compelling booth on the order of a Madden/Michaels. Few out there are.
Both booths have their downsides. On occasion I’ve heard both Millen and Collinsworth drop a few comments that make me go “what the heck?”
But I have also heard some good analysis. I’m hoping they get better as time goes on and honestly, anything is better than having Bryant Gumbel in the booth, because I’m at least reasonably sure Millen knows the names of the players.
ESPN has yet to put together a booth to unanimous applause, though firing/releasing /letting Tony Kornheiser leave was met with pretty large amounts of joy. I like Ron Jaworski and Mike Tirico quite a bit and Gruden brings a ton to the table, but A_E_M isn’t wrong—occasionally it gets pretty cloying in the booth.
Still, there’s no Gumbel/Kornheiser so, I’m good.
For this last one, I could have gone several ways. There were Chicago fans who want to sue over the Cutler trade (Gaines Adams was worse, folks), people who want to sue Browns Coach Eric Mangini for being Mangini, and many a Raider fan who wants to sue Al Davis for sole custody of the franchise—often citing some form of dementia.
In reality, it’s no contest though.
Nobody seems to be angrier than the Redskins fanbase.
For those who aren’t up on it, when Washington Redskins ticket holders were hit with hard times and asked out of their ticket agreements, the team did what any sensitive corporation would be obliged to do—they sued their fans .
The common sentiment from the missives I got was something I can’t repeat here (I mean it’s the Internet, but we try to keep it clean) involving owner Dan Snyder and where he can spend his winter break as well as enough activities to keep him very busy.
To be honest, only one referred to the Redskins’ fan-aimed lawsuits but none of them were particularly pleasant in feeling towards the ownership. They love their Skins, but Snyder…well, that’s another matter.
Taken in total though, most of these e-mails involved wresting control of the team from Snyder and a few might have mentioned burying him Jimmy Hoffa-style under an end zone.
See Colts fans? It could be worse. You feel your franchise quit on you, but at least they aren’t showing up at your door with a subpoena.
If you have a lawsuit you would dearly love to see delivered to a NFL team or individual, drop it in the comments!
1. Indianapolis Colts (14-0) The best offense in the league that’s lead by the best quarterback. The only potential down-side for Indy is their very beatable secondary that might get exposed in the playoffs.
2. New Orleans Saints (13-1) I’ve actually been a Saints-hater the whole year and even though the Cowboys woke up out of their slumber to upset New Orleans, it’s not stopping me from rating the Saints as one of the top teams in the league.
3. Minnesota Vikings (11-3) The Vikes are still one of the best teams in the NFC, despite losing to the Panthers and the Chilly/Favre “heated discussion”. They’ll get their offensive line issues worked out by the time the playoffs roll around.
4. New England Patriots (9-5) These aren’t the same Super-Pats but they’re still a very good team that will always be a dangerous post-season opponent. I’m never ruling out a team with the Hoodie, the Brady, or the Bundchen.
5. San Diego Chargers (11-3) The defense is starting to catch up to Phillip Rivers and the offense but they’re still giving up too many points. The bottom-line is that they have a great shot at clinching the other first round bye with one more win.
6. Arizona Cardinals (9-5) The running game is showing signs of life and they still have the best WR corps in the league. Darnell Dockett is one of the best defensive lineman in the entire league and gives them an X-factor on that side of the ball.
7. Philadelphia Eagles (10-4) Just when I complain that they need to get DeSean Jackson more involved on offense, they go off with 5 straight wins. This team will definitely make some noise in the playoffs.
8. Dallas Cowboys (9-5) When will they just put an end to the charade and let Jason Garrett coach the team is my only real question here but we’re still talking about a strong team that has a lot of fire-power on offense.
9. Cincinnati Bengals (9-5) The Bengals have cooled down of late but their running game is still getting the job done and the defense has been keeping them in most games. If there’s a team MVP, it should be the O-Line.
10. New York Giants (8-6) The G-Men are starting to play better football but nothing’s said and done just yet. Eli Manning has been getting the job done with 900 yards passing and 8 TDs in the last three games.
11. Denver Broncos (8-6) The Raiders? WTF! I don’t even want to get started on what’s wrong with the defense but at least the passing game is starting to work. It could be another season missing out on the playoffs for Denver fans.
12. Baltimore Ravens (8-6) These guys will always be in the hunt as long as they have #52 leading the team out onto the field. Joe Flacco has a ton of upside but he still has lapses in his performance with poor decisions.
13. Green Bay Packers (9-5) I’m still not letting anybody forget that this team lost to Tampa Bay earlier in the year but the Packers have won 5 of their last 6 games and they’ve got a good shot to land a playoff spot w/ a win Sunday.
14. Miami Dolphins (7-7) Take your pick w/ any of these .500% teams! The Dolphins really aren’t that far off but I’m really liking their future more than their present. They just don’t have enough on offense to hang w/ the big boys.
15. Pittsburgh Steelers (7-7) Roethlisberger is back to form but it may be too little too late, as this version of “Steelers-Light” simply can’t cut it without Polamalu and his Head Shoulders w/ the 7 different cleansers.
16. Houston Texans (7-7) Like the Titans and Jags, the Texans are cursed with playing in the same division as Peyton Manning. Gary Kubiak could be looking at the end of his tenure as head coach if he doesn’t win out.
17. New York Jets (7-7) “‘We’re out of it. . . oh wait, what?” Despite their head coach being a pis-poor statistician, the Jet’s do have a long-shot to make the playoffs but it’s pretty much out of the picture. 
18. Atlanta Falcons (7-7) It’s too bad for Falcon Fans because this team has a good nucleus of players and I love the coaching. They’re going to make some noise in 2010 if they can add to the O-Line in the draft.
19. San Francisco 49ers (6-8) I really love the way this offense has adapted to the quarterback change and it’s really helped the team’s over-all play. Their post-season dreams are over but there’s a bright future here.
20. Tennessee Titans (7-7) This team really showed its resolve going 7-1 after losing 6 straight games to start the year. This is a very well coached team that got a lot of bad breaks (literally) injury wise.
21. Jacksonville Jaguars (7-7) Once again, cursed by having to play the best team in the league twice. We’re seeing the end of Jack Del Rio’s tenure as the Jags’ head man and it’s a damn shame because it’s not all his fault.
22. Carolina Panthers (6-8) Nice win against the Vikings but it’s too little too late. John Fox may have put the final nail in his proverbial coffin w/ that Jake Delhomme contract extension. I’m still not sure who thought that was a good idea.
23. Chicago Bears (5-9) Yikes! That’s about all I can say about Cutler’s performance. He’s forcing throws, the offensive line is terrible, and last Sunday Cutler had a QB rating of 7.9 . . . “fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life son.”
24. Seattle Seahawks (5-9) There’s talent on this team, you’ve just gotta look really hard to find it. Seriously, it’s been another year full of injuries and unfulfilled expectations. Talk about a team that needs to start from scratch.
25. Buffalo Bills (5-9) They really need to find the answer at QB here because it’s not Trent Edwards or Ryan Fitzpatrick. The Bills do have some talent on defense but they’re still a mess on offense at this point.
26. Washington Redskins (4-10) This team is a failed experiment and it’s too bad because they have a lot going for them on defense but the problems may not be all on the field in this situation. Maybe Shanny can revive the offense.
27. Oakland Raiders (5-9) JaMarcus Russell is a total fraud and his win against Denver means nothing more than the Broncos are chokers. The Raiders do have a ton of talent but they’ve still got a long way to go.
28. Cleveland Browns (3-11) The team has all of the sudden started to play like a real NFL franchise should. They looked like the ‘85 Bears against Pittsburgh on Monday night and have seemed to turn a corner as of late.
29. Kansas City Chiefs (3-11) I’m thinking the Chiefs might like to have a mulligan on the Matt Cassel trade/contract. The guy just hasn’t been very consistent throwing the ball but it’s not like his supporting cast has been great either.
30. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-12) Josh Freeman has finally plateaued and while he does have a lot of upside, he’s making enough rookie mistakes to keep the Bucs in contention for a top-5 pick in April’s draft. 
31. Detroit Lions (2-12) The Lions have their sites set on a top pick April’s draft and it’s to be hoped they invest it in a blue-chip offensive lineman. Matt Stafford has potential but that’s provided that he lives to see next year.
32. St. Louis Rams (1-13) It looks like St. Louis is the future home of Ndamukong Suh, who’s being billed as the number one over-all selection in the draft. Steven Jackson is going to waste with such a terrible franchise.
